I have a confession to make: I’m really good at procrastinating.
Cue a wide array of shocked faces. What? No shocked faces. Oh, well then.
I still haven’t taken my car in for the tires-oil change-inspection combo deal. I haven’t started searching for a tax prep person either; normally I do them myself, but with me selling a ton of company stock last year I think the right thing to do is to get someone else to handle it this one time. (Speaking of which: any of you Western North Carolinians have a good recommendation for tax prep?) And I finally called the ENT today to try and get a refill on my Singulair prescription, to find out that I have to schedule an appointment to get it renewed. I hung up rather than dealing with that this morning.
I don’t handle uncertainty well. I delayed early retirement for two years because I was scared of the changes it would bring, the level of turmoil to my finances and daily routine and “what do I do if something horrible happens and my cush tech safety net isn’t there” and and and…
It’s a big part of why I hate traveling as well. What if I don’t make it to the airport on time? Or if I do but I’m delayed at security? Or if the flight is delayed? Or or or? I can’t sleep well the night before any travelling because my head is spinning with all of the ways everything can go wrong. It even makes me feel a bit physically ill.
So procrastination is my coping mechanism, in the grand tradition of mythical (but not real) ostriches, is to bury my head in the sand. As long as I’m not actively doing A Thing, that thing can’t twist around on me, can’t be a source of new uncertainty, and that makes it easier.
That’s all wrong, of course. There’s nothing to say that my car won’t break down tomorrow, or that my allergies won’t get worse. But my brain is more easily satisfied by doing as little as possible, by keeping the active uncertainty down, even if that means just a different level of uncertainty.
It’s annoying, and frustrating, and putting voice to it and being aware of it hasn’t done much to make it easier for me over time. But, hey: I’m on the phone with the Toyota dealership in Hickory right now, trying to schedule all the maintenance I need. That’s a start, right?