I’m sitting at home, shivering; I didn’t bother turning the heat on, because I thought I would be throwing up a quick WordPress install, dashing off a quick blog post, and then heading immediately to snuggle under several layers of blankets to protect me from the North Carolina winter.
Sigh. Turns out there really isn’t such a thing as a “quick WordPress install.” Mea culpa.
Anyhow, I’m writing this the night before my last day of work. I’ve been at my current job for slightly more than five years, and I’ve made a lot of friends there. (And no enemies, as far as I’m aware, although that’s the sort of thing that it’s easy to be oblivious about.) Deciding to leave was simultaneously one of the easiest and hardest decisions of my life.
On the one hand: I’ve been planning on this early retirement thing for years. YEARS. And working in the tech industry is a sure-fire way to accelerate that sort of plan, especially if you’re a somewhat thrifty single person such as myself. In addition, my excitement at doing my job has been declining for a while, to the point where it was starting to impinge upon my performance, which meant it was time to Make A Decision, something I had been putting off for as long as I could. And that decision ended up being pretty easy: when you’ve been planning on doing a thing for a long time, why not do that thing?
And yet. Never mind the free food, the camaraderie, the ability to learn about cool new things way before the rest of the world sees them. There’s something deeply satisfying and invigorating working in a high-energy high-skill environment, where just about everyone you interact with is smart as hell, challenging you on a daily basis to learn, to be a better person, to understand the way everything works just that little bit better than before. My previous job was at a university; there, I could sometimes just glide through an entire day, interacting only with the UNIX systems I maintained and my regular lunch-time card game crew. Not so much here.
There are a lot of unknowns still. How will I handle simply not seeing people for days at a time? I keep telling everyone that it’s crazy to “be bored” in this modern era of video games and, you know, the Internet, but will I actually be able to stave off ennui? I’ve got plans to polish up one of my many novels and try to get it published; will it turn out that, as much as I enjoy writing, I simply can’t handle the editing/re-drafting process?
I’m not a person who deals well with change, and I’m changing just about everything about my life effectively overnight.
This blog, too, is a change. I’ve never been able to write one consistently, although I’ve tried over the years; I had thought about bringing one up as I neared my planned retirement, then never followed through on the idea until now. Enough people have asked me over the past week about how they could keep up with my plans that I figured, what the hell. Surely I’ll have enough time when I’m retired to actually post something on the regular, right? If nothing else, it’s an excuse to flex my writing muscles at some time other than during NaNoWriMo. (Knowing me, it’s likely to also be an excellent way to procrastinate. I could teach a master class in productivity as procrastination.)
I’m excited, and terrified, and excited all over again. Perhaps we can see how it all works out together.